written & illustrated by jess......

All We Need is Love, Love, Love.......

2009-07-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

"At the moment of death we will not be judged according to the number of good deeds we have done or by the diplomas we have received in our lifetime. We will be judged according to the love we have put into our work." - Mother Teresa

Leviticus 19:18 - "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."
Deuteronomy 6:5 - "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."
Psalm 23:6 - "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

1 Peter 1:22 - "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart."

John 13:34-35 - "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
Romans 12:10 - "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."
Romans 13:8 - "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law."

Ephesians 4:2 - "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Galatians 5:13 - "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another in love."
Hebrews 10:23-25 - "Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works."

1 John 3:11 - "This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another."

1 John 3:23 - "And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us."

1 John 4:7 - "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."

1 John 4:10-12 - "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

The word "L-O-V-E" has consumed by being for the past couple of months and has been stirring up feelings and thoughts about something that seems so simple but in reality has become very complicated for me. In the past, I'd never really thought too much about what LOVE meant to me. It was one of those feelings that I assumed I had no control over. I either loved or I didn't love. I either wished I loved or wished I didn't love. It appeared that it wasn't up to me, although at times I wished it was. I'd never really meditated much on what the feeling of love looked like or truly meant; God's love, my love, in love, loved by Jesus, love the way God loves, love your neighbor, love one another. These were all concepts that I thought were pretty elementary and not necessary to focus on. Love is a simple feeling, right? You either have it or you don't.

Well, what the Lord has taught me over the past few months is that love is not a feeling, it's a choice. He calls us to love one another like brothers and sisters, and not just to think kindly of them, but to truly love them like we love ourselves. That applies to everyone; our friends, our family, our neighbors, our co-workers, and total strangers. But love can be complicated, and if you're me, love can have stipulations. God's love is truly unconditional, but mine definitely has some conditions. It wasn't until I started reading two books by Heidi Baker, "There's Always Enough" and "Compelled By Love", that I even began to question my ability to love. Heidi & Rolland Baker are missionaries to Mozambique, Africa and the founders of Iris Ministries. If you know anything at all about Heidi Baker, you know that she LOVES! I'm pretty sure LOVE might even be her middle name! This woman personifies God's love in a broken world. She gushes about her love affair with Jesus as if it's straight out of the juiciest romance novel I've ever read. She embodies God's love for the poor, lost, helpless and forgotten. She doesn't know how to do anything else. She believes that it really is as simple as learning to love. Until reading her books, I never realized how crucial it is to learn the art of LOVE.

When all of this became so apparent to me a couple months ago, I immediately found myself in situations where God was trying to teach me how to love; to love despite the flaws and failures of others, to love instead of hate, to love when I wasn't feeling loved, and to love like he loves, unconditionally. But I failed. I failed every single time! And every time I failed, another opportunity would arise to give me another chance to do it right. But instead, I became bitter and hard-hearted towards others. My opportunities to learn to love backfired! I found myself loving less than I'd ever loved before. I found myself refusing to love anyone the way God loves them. How could that happen when I had just heard so much about the importance of love? Why is something so simple so complicated at the same time? I mean, all we need is love, right?

So what I've learned is that I need to acquire God's love, the kind of love that oozes from a heart made of mush laid down before Jesus, the lover of the world. Until I am able to allow my heart to completely melt with love for my Savior, then my heart won't be able to melt for the world. I've learned that love is a choice that I have, not a feeling that I can't control. I've learned that God cares more about the amount of love in our hearts, then he does about anything else. What I've learned the most is that I still have a lot to learn.

My heart yearns for the ability to love like God loves but I know until I am able to personify God's love in the world, then I'm pretty close to useless to Him. God needs hearts that know how to love, and hearts that love anyone and everyone, unconditionally with no stipulations or requirements. God calls us to LOVE MORE!! We can't touch the world, we can't bring people to freedom through Jesus, we can't save the broken and dying if we don't know how to love. Jesus came to love the world, and he loved it so much that he willingly died to save it. Does our love look like this?

So, Lord, show me how to love! Give me your heart for others. Help me to see their hearts the way you do. Teach me how to love, Lord, so that I may leak your love onto everyone around me. I promise to deliver your love to those in the world that desperately need to know your love for them. Teach me your ways and please never stop perfecting me. Trim the branches that no longer produce fruit, Lord, for apart from you I can do nothing. Change my heart so that I can be consumed and compelled by love! Amen.

Rise and Shine!!!!

2009-05-21T01:01:00.001-07:00

Here's my testimony from The City Church Women's Retreat 2009. Enjoy!

Dates: May 15-17, 2009

Location: Springs of Living Water (YWAM) Chico, Ca

So here it is....I went to the retreat with way too many expectations of what I wanted to happen. I told myself that I wasn't going to 'socialize', but that I was going to spend one-on-one time with the Lord that I didn't get a chance to spend at home. I didn't go to the retreat to give any heavy burdens to the Lord or to get any big revelation. I just went to spend time with Him and to hear his voice over my life. I wanted to isolate myself as much as possible so that I could clearly hear whatever He wanted to tell me. Well, spending time alone when there are 89 other women in the same premises is much more difficult than I thought and, in my attempts to be alone, I'm almost certain I missed out on some great relationships from the Lord. So after the first 24 hours, I found myself getting pretty discouraged with my unfulfilled expectations. By the way, this was my first retreat, so I envisioned how every little second would go before I even left Redding. I'm kind of a control freak like that.....not good.

So by Saturday evening, I had spent almost exactly 4 minutes alone with the Lord and was starting to count this weekend a total loss when the Lord decided to prove me wrong. At the end of the evening service on Saturday, Jeri (our speaker and the mightiest woman of God I've ever met in person) opened us up to being baptized by the Holy Spirit. Well, I have never been baptized by the Holy Spirit or given the gift of tongues but it is something I have prayed on and off about for the last few years and something I desired for a greater intimacy with God. So, surprise, surprise! He showed up and granted me my wish! Yay! Unfortunately, an event proceeded this amazing gift that managed to suck out the joy and thankfulness that I was feeling but that's another story and unimportant in the big picture of the weekend. None the less, I pressed on. From that point on, I began to feel God's presence more than I had felt the first half of the weekend. People were speaking amazing words over me and giving me tons of encouragement in my walk with God.

Then on Sunday, the Lord placed my in the awesome position of baptizing 4 women, one being my dearest friend, Shaeley, at the top of a majestic waterfall, along with 3 other mighty woman of God. That rocked my world! Over the past few weeks, several people have spoken over me and I have felt a huge calling of leadership over my life. God has really been preparing my heart to have the courage and strength to do great Kingdom works, so being able to baptize 4 women in His name was a huge boost of confidence! And the fact that my lovely friend, Shaeley, was brought to the Lord through our friendship gives me great joy and motivation to keeping moving!

If nothing else, this weekend gave me reassurance that my faith is going to move mountains and that God is preparing me for far greater works than my tiny little mind can even comprehend! I can hardly wait!!!

This Is My Song!

2009-04-16T13:42:00.001-07:00

The cries of my heart......

'Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

And any foolish thing my heart holds onto Lord,

Empty me of me so I can be filled with You'

"Empty Me"- Chris Sligh

'Savior, please take my hand

I work so hard, I live so fast

This life begins, and then it ends

And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last'

'I try to be so tough

But I'm just not strong enough

I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough

But I'm nothing without Your love

Savior, please keep saving me'

'Savior, please help me stand

I fall so hard, I fade so fast

Will You begin right where I end

And be the God of all I am because You're all I have'

'Hallelujah

Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need

And I am learning to believe

That I don't have to prove a thing

'Cause You're the one who's saving me'

"Savior Please"-Josh Wilson

Lord, I surrender myself to the work of Your hands. I lay myself at Your feet in full and complete sacrifice to Your will. Do with me as You please, Lord. However that may look, whatever that may require of me. Lord, I willingly accept Your will over my life. I patiently await Your calling and the leadings of Your Holy Spirit. I rest in knowing You are near. Please Lord, flow through me continuously. Shine through me, Lord, so that I may be Your Light to those around me. Use me as Your vessel, help me to be Your beacon in the night.

You are beautiful, Lord. You are my Comforter, my Deliverer, my Friend, my Savior, and the Lover of my Soul! You are mine and I am Yours, forever and ever! Let this be my song, Lord!! Let my life always be a reflection of You! May my faith in You never waver, may my feet be set upon a rock, may I not be moved, Lord! May my heart be Your heart, my thoughts be Your thoughts, and my desires be Your desires, always and forever! May my love for you speak louder than words! May the world see You in me! May You be glorified in all that I say and do! You are my King and may my life be a continuous, never ending worship of you!! This is my Song! Amen.

Compassion International

2009-03-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

Hello!
So I'm writing to send you a link to the website Compassion International which is an organization that works to fight the Global Food Crisis and to bring awareness to the plight of millions of starving children across the world. Compassion International exists as a Christian child advocacy ministry that releases children from spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enables them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults. Only $32/month gives a child educational opportunities, critical health care, safe and healthy recreation, food and nourishment, social development, and opportunities to know Christ and grow in their faith. That $32 can completely change a child's life forever!
I have a few friends that currently sponsor children from countries in Africa, Asia, and South America. They all can't say enough about how fulfilling and rewarding their experience has been. They receive letters and pictures in the mail from their sponsored children and are able to keep in touch with them regularly. Their children tell them what they have bought for themselves and their families with the money they receive and how their sponsors have blessed their lives. Mike and I feel so strongly about sponsoring and supporting a child of our own and are trusting that God will guide us to the right child and always provide us with the means to help them.
All of us have been blessed beyond measure and as Joshua 1:14-15 says, ""Help your brothers until the Lord gives them rest, as he has done for you." I know that we all feel great compassion towards the children we hear about and see on TV, starving and dying with no one to save them. Well, it's time to stand up and take action in a world that is suffering and in dire need of rescue. I know we can't save them all, trust me, I would if I could, but we each have the ability and the means to save at least one. We would be selfish, insensitive and sinful by not "caring for orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27). I'm not saying you HAVE to donate to this one organization, this just happens to be the one that Mike and I feel called to help. I can only hope and pray that you would feel called to do your part in giving a desperately needy child hope for the future and an eternity in heaven!

http://www.compassion.com/

http://klove.com/Ministry/FeaturedPartner.aspx?i=27

Where the Ocean Meets the Shore

2009-03-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend Mike and I took our first trip together, just the two of us, without any children or family. We stayed in a motel on the beach in Crescent City and traveled south on Hwy 101 to hit up as many places as we could in our short little stay. We left Friday morning with our first stop being in Eureka at the Lost Coast Brewery. It's an adorable little restaurant/brewery where they make Great White, Downtown Brown, and several other beers locally. We never did figure out whether or not they actually brew the beer at that location but they had case after case of beer lined up along the wall and all the memorabilia you could ever ask for. We couldn't resist their beer sampler where you get a 4oz taster of all 10 beers they make along with a description of each one. It was enough beer to make me a little tipsy if Mike hadn't drank most of it himself. lol. We got a great window seat away from the lunch crowd and enjoyed a wonderful lunch together. The food and beer were delicious and it was a great start to our trip.
After leaving the Lost Coast Brewery, we headed up Hwy 101 to Crescent City. I got my very first glimpse of the ocean a few miles north of Eureka and couldn't wait to get a closer look. We ended up stopping for a few minutes so that I could put my feet in the sand and Mike could relieve himself......in the sand. lol. Once we arrived at our motel in Crescent City, we threw our bags down and went straight to the beach. We drove about a mile down the road and trekked down a 1/2 mile trail to Enderts Beach with hopes of going tide pooling. We either don't know what tide pools look like or weren't in the right spot because we never seemed to find them. But we did interact with some seals/sea lions that were just off the shore, relaxing in the water while watching our every move. They would dip down and come back up, never taking their eyes off of us. They were so stinkin' cute and it was great to see them play around with us. The sun was starting to set so we headed back to the motel to change clothes and go to dinner. We randomly chose a spot on the harbor which didn't end up being all that great and we were so exhausted from the long day that we could barely keep our faces out of our plates. After trying to force down the somewhat expensive meal we finally decided it was time for bed. I haven't gone to sleep at 8:30 since I was 10 years old! Too much excitement for one day I guess.
On day two, we woke up and went to Denny's for breakfast. Yummy! The service sucked and the waitresses were running around like there was a fire in their pants but the food was delicious so we didn't care much. Then we went to Ocean World Aquarium which isn't really much of an aquarium, at least not like the kind I'm used to, but it was pretty fun anyway. We got to pet a leopard shark and watch seals do what looked like dog tricks so that was cool. After Ocean World we had plans to hit up several spots on 101, knowing that we would probably not make all of them. I was trying really hard not to have an agenda on this trip but I knew there were some places I just HAD to see. We stopped at the Klamath Overlook and took in the view, then grabbed some Subway sandwiches and headed to our picnic area at High Bluff Overlook. It was a bit windy and pretty chilly out but it was the best place I have eaten a meal in my whole life. The view was spectacular! After eating lunch, we drove the Coastal Drive down to Gold Bluffs Beach and Fern Canyon. We had a blast at Fern Canyon climbing over slippery moss covered logs to make our way through the canyon. We got pretty wet and dirty but it was just the kind of adventuring Mike and I needed. We climbed the trail out of the canyon and walked to Gold Bluffs Beach. It was crazy windy and cold there so we didn't stay too long. We had plans to still go to Patrick's Point and to dinner in Trinidad but the sun was already setting, drawing an end to our day. We drove back up to Crescent City and went to dinner at a cute little restaurant and lounge, far exceeding the more expensive dinner choice the night before. Once again, I was passed out by 8:30. Sad....
Sunday morning we woke up at 8am which was actually 7am considering daylight savings time but with all the sleep I had just had, I was ready to go. Opening up the back sliding door every morning to the ocean just footsteps away from our room was the best way I could ever think to wake up in the morning. If I had only had a hot cup of coffee I would have never left. We gathered our things and packed up the car early so that we could hit up Patrick's Point on our way home. I was sad to leave the motel and the amazing views every morning but my heart was telling me it was time to go home.
We stopped at Patrick's Point on the way and climbed the trail to Wedding Rock. That is one of the best views and locations we had seen all weekend. I just stood there staring at the vast endless ocean that seems to have a mind of its own. I can only imagine the world that goes on underneath the surface that I may never see. After pulling myself away from Wedding Rock we had one last stop at Agate Beach. A storm was rolling in and the waves starting growing and growing the longer we stood on the beach. They were the biggest waves we had seen all weekend and were completely captivating. We played around on the beach for a while, trying to take in as much as we could before retreating back to the valley, away from all the wonder and beauty the ocean brings.
It was so difficult to leave not knowing when I would be able to experience this place again. Being there made me so aware of the amazing work of God's hand. I was fascinated by the waves from the second I saw them. To me, they were a sign of the ocean's willingness to put on the brakes and stop exactly where God asked it to. I still don't understand how something so vast and so forceful can come to a screeching halt at the shoreline, never going any further than expected. I stood in awe of the wonder of our God, how perfect He created this world to be, all working together in his perfect plan. I wish we could have stayed longer but we were both terribly missing our babies. I can't wait to take them back to the coast with us to experience the wonder of it all for themselves!

Pook-Snook & Sissy Love

2009-02-23T12:34:00.001-08:00

Have you ever wondering where nicknames come from? Why one day a loving form of affection just sticks and actually fits? Well, my little munchkins fit perfectly well into their nicknames of Pook-Snook & Sissy Love. Now you may be asking yourself, "Pook-Snook?" "What the heck does Pook-Snook mean?" You're guess is as good as mine. It's another one of those cutsie wutsie forms of adoration that just spill out in the midst of baby talk. I'll use it in a sentence for you now. "Hey there babylove, whose my little pook-snook? Are you my little pook-snook? Yeah, you're my little pook-snook." or in the form of frustration "Adin, stop being a pook-snook RIGHT NOW" (talking through gritted teeth). Both forms have their time and place.

Now for Sissy Love, which tends to make quite a bit more sense than Pook-Snook. Now obviously Addison is Adin's little sister, hence the name Sissy. And because we just love her to death, the Love attached itself to the Sissy. So almost every single time, we acknowledge her by calling her Sissy Love. Not Addison, or Addie, or any other reasonable nickname. Nope, it's always Sissy Love. Even her very manly father is not ashamed to be seen in public calling this chubby little baby Sissy Love without even skipping a beat. I find it pretty humorous myself.

I have always thought nicknames were the sincerest form of love. Whether you're an adorable little baby or an awkward teen, nicknames show you that someone cares enough to attach a unique and hopefully loving name that only fits you. Now I realize that not all nicknames are intended to be nice, but ours are filled with all the love and adoration that I could possibly think of. So neither of my children will ever get to experience their God given names. Instead they are forever going to be called Pook-Snook & Sissy Love in our house. Their little friends are going to make fun of them soooo bad! Poor kids............... :)

A Word from God

2009-02-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

Wow! My very first blog ever. The pressure to perform is ridiculous. I want my first blog to be profound, awe-inspiring, uplifting, mind-blowing and encouraging. I have a feeling my expectations may be a teeny weeny bit too high. So instead of trying to blow your socks off I'm just going to write about something that God has been putting on my heart to share with others. For now, "others", thankfully for my sake, only being a couple close friends that love me enough to read this and will hopefully love me despite. So this is how it begins............
January 18, 2009 marked the first day of what The City Church likes to call their annual "Seek Week". It is a full week of pressing into God for inspiration and direction for the road ahead. The only requirement is that you choose to fast something in your life that you believe is interfering with your ability to hear God's voice fully and with complete clarity. Examples: food, media, sweets(if they happen to be consuming your life), extracurricular time, etc. I chose to fast TV. Now in our household, the TV is the all powerful ruler of our time. We sadly revolve our days and nights around our favorite TV shows, although a great genius invented DVR so that we wouldn't have to revolve our time around our favorite TV shows, but we insist. We watch one while the other records, then quickly begin the recorded one, while another records, and the cycle continues until we pass out from TV overdose. Sad but true.
So you can understand how much time I had on my hands during Seek Week, being unable to watch my beloved TV and all. Thankfully, I took full advantage of my free time and really pressed into God for some well needed answers to some very difficult questions. Now recently, Mike and I have been attending a Love and Respect Class with several couples from The Stirring, and every week I leave there feeling like there has to be something standing in the way of the unconditional respect that my husband deserves. So this is what I asked of the Lord: Please show me where I have any buried anger or resentment, hurt feelings or unforgiveness towards my husband, Mike, that may be interfering with my ability to fully respect him the way you desire me to.
Here is where the Lord rocked my world! The Holy Spirit immediately downloaded into my pea sized brain a two page list of not so great feelings I was harboring for Mike that I apparently never noticed. Now I won't go into details on all the things that He showed me, because shamefully they really aren't anything to brag about. But I will share a few of them in an attempt to stir up any possible emotions for your spouse that you may have buried six feet under, with no intentions of digging them up. And to drag you down to the depths of shame right along with me! Just kidding! Really, I'm only kidding, I would never wish that upon my lovely friends. :)The Holy Spirit revealed to me........
that I have unforgiveness for mistakes my husband has made in the past

that I require perfection out of him in order to value and respect him

that I have become defensive and self-protective

that I've caused division in our lives instead of unity

that I feel like I can do everything better myself
that I don't trust his decision making

Yeah, I know, SHAME ON ME!!!! Literally..........

The Holy Spirit was not gentle in the least bit! I asked for answers and he gave them to me, in the most blunt and honest way. I guess that's what I needed.

Right after receiving those fragmented thoughts, I received an amazing, profound, awe-inspiring, motivating, and encouraging letter from God, like nothing I have ever received. Our God is so personal and so intimate! I will share with you portions of the conversation he had with me.

Disclaimer: Please be gentle and forgiving of my obvious weaknesses that the Lord so graciously made me aware of. I'm leaving out obvious sections in an attempt to spare my own dignity. If you truly want to hear what else the Lord revealed to me, I will gladly share it with you outside the world wide web. I'm sure you understand. :)

The Lord said:

"I made him perfect, I made him in my image & if you think he is unable to make intelligent decisions than you think the same of me. He is not incapable of taking care of your family. I have prepared him and given him all the tools he needs to do what is best for your family. But without your respect and encouragement the tools I have given him will fall to the waist side. See, I have given him the tools but they are only useful through your respect. Without that, he is unable to feel like an adequate and capable husband and father. He NEEDS your support and encouragement. "

"You need to tell him and BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART that he is perfectly capable of being the head of your household, the rock your family leans on. He needs you to hold him up to a higher esteem than yourself and to see proudness in your eyes. He doesn't know that you are proud of his accomplishments. He needs acceptance and approval. He needs to know that he is doing a good job and that you are cheering him on. He needs to be made to feel like a strong man in your eyes. He needs to turn to me for the unconditional love and acceptance that only a Heavenly Father can give but he needs your respect and encouragement JUST AS MUCH. Learn how to admire him, to value his opinion, and to know his worth to me. HE IS WORTH THE WORLD TO ME AND SHOULD BE TO YOU AS WELL. LET GO OF THE PAST! "

"Turn away negative thoughts towards him and meditate on the perfect and capable man I created him to be. Love him the way you love me. Look to him for comfort the way you look to me. Value that relationship the way you value ours. All of these things are important to your marriage. Always talk to me when you are feeling lost or confused. I will always lead you down the right path. Thank you for trusting me. I will never let you down. I love you. Jesus

Okay, so that was more difficult than I thought it would be. As I said before, please be forgiving of my obvious downfalls as a wife. The Lord was so faithful to reveal so much of Himself to me and I will be forever thankful. I guess shutting off the noise in my life and focusing on God's voice really can reveal answers to some of life's toughest questions. I'm definitely not proud of my weaknesses and obliviousness (Webster, is that a word?) in this area but as 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."